Forget about social pressure, the timing of your friends' children, or all the external opinions that revolve around motherhood. Every child is unique and potty training should be a process in which he or she sets the pace, and parents accompany and guide with respect and empathy.
Potty training is a very important event for the baby, and of course, for the parents as well. And although it is easy to be influenced by social pressure, by the many “shoulds” surrounding parenting and by the family’s own enthusiasm, it is very important to understand that it is the children who must set the pace of this process.
How to identify the right time to start the transition from diapers to toilet training? “The success of the potty training process depends on physical, developmental and behavioral milestones, not age. Many children show they are ready between 18 and 24 months. However, others may not be ready until age 3. There is no rush. If you start too early, the process may take longer” (Potty Training: How to get the job done, 11.12.2021, Mayo Clinic).
Here are 5 tips to help your child stop using diapers through less forced, more friendly learning that respects their time.
1. Pay attention to the signs
Forget about social pressure, textbooks, or the countless outside opinions that revolve around parenting. When it comes to your baby's development, the best guide will be the signs that he or she gives you. That's why it's key that you observe the signs with which your son or daughter are announcing that they might be ready to stop using diapers.
There is no absolute guide, but these are some of the most common signs:
- Shows interest in using the bathroom more independently, like older children or adults do. Asks questions about it or insists on accompanying you to the bathroom and watching you.
- He begins to identify the need to go to the bathroom, and lets you know with words like “pee” or “poop” when he wants to go or when he has already done so.
- He or she appears uncomfortable with the diaper and may even try to take it off. Another good indicator is that he or she already knows how to take off his or her diaper or clothes alone.
- He will hold in his pee or poop for longer, and you will notice this because the number of dirty diapers he gets in a day will decrease.
- His balance and coordination are now more consolidated, he is able to follow simple instructions and you have observed him imitating some of the behaviors of other people.
2. Let him/her set the pace, and you accompany him/her
Although the milestone of the baby leaving diapers is a joy and relief for parents, it is very important that you respect your son or daughter's pace. It is we, the adults, who must adjust to their times, to accompany and guide them in this process. Trust your little one and learn together in this transition.
“Most children stop wearing diapers around the age of 3, although many children do not manage to do so completely before the age of 4 or 5. This is because boys and girls have different development rates and acquiring new skills takes time!” (Chile Crece Contigo program. Government of Chile).
3. Adapt the bathroom
If everything seems to indicate that your baby is ready to stop wearing diapers, then it is time to adapt the space to make this transition as friendly as possible. Here you have to consider whether it is a boy or a girl, and from there define what accessories you will use, for example a potty , a urinal (for boys) or a toilet adapter. Also, don't forget a small floor so that he can independently get onto the toilet and rest his feet when sitting down (if he uses a toilet adapter), but also so that he can comfortably reach the sink and learn to always wash his hands after going to the bathroom.
Check out our full article with everything you need to start this process: Essentials for saying Goodbye to diapers.
4. It's okay if it doesn't work the first time
Don't get frustrated if once you've started this process you haven't seen any progress, or even if you feel like there has been a setback. It's absolutely normal for "accidents" or setbacks to happen, it's part of learning! We all make mistakes when we acquire new skills. So don't get discouraged, let some time pass and then try again.
Remember that children's processes are not immediate and require a lot of persistence and patience from those who accompany them. Therefore, plan this transition when you or the person in charge of caring for your child can dedicate the time and energy necessary to be consistent on a daily basis for weeks or months. And if the process is becoming stressful for you and your child, it is probably not yet time.
5. Your allies: respect, patience and empathy
Your son or daughter is making a tremendous effort by saying goodbye to diapers, and is also taking a big step towards independence. And you (and all family members), as guides, have to accompany him or her with respect, patience and empathy. It is not easy, we know, but it is the only way, if you want this learning to be consistent and deep.
Any good advice? Avoid comparisons with other children or siblings, don't use phrases like "you're too old to wear diapers," and don't use punishments or threats. Don't make this process cause anxiety or fear.
